Regret

the feeling you feel when you've just done something you wish you haven't. you would give anything just to turn back the hands of time and correct your mistakes, but it's already too late.
"I really regret hurting the woman that I love."
"I have many regrets in life, but you were not one of them."

taken from www.urbandictionary.com

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Cure

I sighed, watching as wisps of vapour left my mouth, just like how part of my soul was torn away as you left me. Kneeling on, and repeatedly punching the thick layer of ice on the lake as if it could bring you back, I realized yet again how cruel this world is.

I can still remember that fateful day, when I walked out onto the streets, my already numb fingers cradling a small loaf of bread I managed to negotiate from the kind baker. Gently inhaling the sweet scent, afraid that too strong a whiff would deform the bread in any way, I looked up and saw a silhouette crouching beside a bench. Stiffly, forcing my frozen joints to move, I saw -through the snow- a pale young maiden, thinly clad in clothes thrice her size, hugging herself as she was muttering praises to the Lord, and thanking Him for all the blessings that had come and also for those that were yet to come.

I pitied her from the depths of my hearts. I really did. With a petite body like hers, it was already a miracle that she was still alive in this snowstorm that had been raging for the past few days. Steeling myself, I tried to move away before we made eye contact but I was too late. The moment she looked up at me, I felt as if the snowstorm had been brutally shoved away by the warmth that you possess in your heart. I could not take my eyes off your gaze. They conveyed a message of unwavering determination yet stubbornly holding on to what little trace of innocence you had left due to age. Yes, it was you. Without me knowing, I had already took off the only overcoat I had with me and draped you with it. I had put the bread which I cherished so dearly in your fragile hands and picked you up. Your body was so light, I was worried that I might break you as I held you close, trying to use what little body heat I had left to try and lessen your suffering.

Running through the thick snow, I unknowingly glanced down and saw your rosy red lips rise slightly. Weird as it seemed, my lips too, started to curve upwards in tandem with yours. Little did I know that you had already taken up an irreplaceable space in my heart.

I ran and ran until I ran out of breath, but I still kept running. It was crucial that I got you to somewhere warmer. A place that we can rest. I turned into the back-alley of a restaurant. With my back to the fume chutes releasing exhaust smoke, I could feel the heat directly. It was scorching hot, as if my back was being roasted or grilled. Still, I stood there. Some warmth managed to go around me and settle those trembling fingers of yours. You looked up at me with your cute face and, for the first time, smiled your fullest. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and from my heart, a myriad of emotions cascaded into my brain. For the first time since as long as I could remember, I felt a tinge of warmth spreading from my heart throughout my body.

And then you slumped into me.

My mind could not accept what had happened. One moment you were smiling from ear to ear and the next, you were limp. I held you closer, hoping that it would just be a temporary episode but I could not feel your warmth any more, nor could I feel your heartbeat. I was screaming but my ears already blocked out the sound. Workers from the restaurant came out to chase me away with knives and rollers. I had to run again. I had no choice. I slipped and fell, and you fell out of my arms, into the icy cold lake.

Some delinquent had previously made a hole in the lake and you fell right through. I wanted to fish you out but the layer of ice between you and me was already too thick. I could only watch as you sank to the bottom.


______________________


Some eight years later, I came back to this very spot. The snowstorm had been raging for eight years and the town was already abandoned. I am now a world renowned scientist researching the revival of humans frozen in ice. I had developed a special procedure which made it all possible.

Now, I am at the same spot where you fell down. Signalling to my team to start excavating, I prayed to the same Lord you so feverishly praised and begged for forgiveness. I also asked that He would be so kind as to have preserved your internal organs and bodily functions until this day so I could finally be reunited with you again.

"Sir, the target has been located at 300m below the surface, firmly encased in ice. We shall now commence the excavation and the predicted length of time needed is approximately 3 hours."

I nodded but could not leave the site. For three whole hours I stood there silently, watching as they slowly and steadily took you out of the cavity, and there you were, looking as you did so many years ago. I could not suppress my excitement as I led my team to start the procedure.

You looked so beautiful, encased in ice. Just like an Ice Princess. Shining and glimmering in all your glory and power.

"Sir, everything has been prepared. The antidote has been injected and the cells are confirmed to have reawakened."

I deftly pushed the buttons of the machine I was piloting and aimed the laser at the ice. Bit by bit, the ice melted to reveal you. When enough of the ice had melted, several more injections were given to you to help boost your vitality, immunity and all sorts of other things but nothing else mattered. All I wanted to see was you coming back to life.

As if an eternity had passed until finally, your eyelids fluttered open and you looked up at me, the same way you did so many years ago and you smiled. The same smile that brought warmth to my world again. I held you close to me and vowed to myself that this time, I will look after you as best I can, for I love you, my princess.